"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
