Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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