problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
