Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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