we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
