So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
