Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
