Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
