she pinky promised me she was 18
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
