You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
