Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
