you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
