please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
