it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
