JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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