I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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