just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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