There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
