I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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