508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
