it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
