so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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