Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
