dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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