captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
