Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
