Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
