Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
