I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
