best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
