What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
