one two three fourrrrnication!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
