im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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