Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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