Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
