3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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