She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
