dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
