i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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