The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
