I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
