When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
