and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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