You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
