she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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