Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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