remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
