apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
