Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
