Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
