To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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